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This, we feel, is one of the most important concepts for a church to grow in and agree upon in order to foster loving relationships. Relationships are built on trust that the care for one another is genuine. Few things break down this trust faster than the feeling that others are looking down on you or rejecting you as you share your feelings, struggles and just details about who you are. We absolutely must agree to steer clear of this trap. People are vastly different in many areas, and yet we aspire to truly love each one. Love for the brethren is a defining mark of the believer. The flip side of this non-judgmental mentality is the correct discernment of sin. Sin is a horrible thing - the destroyer of lives and the true source of all societal problems. Sin in the church must be identified and repented of. We cannot expect the blessing of God if we call what is right wrong and what is wrong right. All of this we keep in mind while never failing to love all and speak the truth in love and without hypocrisy.
The key question is where do we as a church draw the line about whether to judge or "judge not". The answer is really not complicated. We allow the scripture alone to judge. If the New Testament clearly, in black and white, says a behavior is wrong, sin, or immoral in the sight of God, then we call it sin and treat it as sin. Otherwise it is a personal conviction. As for those in sin, we love them always, but it is best for them and us if we bring them to the light and plainly, lovingly, help them realize that they are in sin and need to come to God asking for forgiveness. This is accomplished in much patience. We keep in mind that all of us must live a lifestyle of daily repentance as Christians. None of us walks through this world free of failures. Nevertheless, true sin is the case in which loving "judgment" is needed and rightly applied.
There are some churches that have not drawn the line of judgment at clear New-Testament-identified-sin as we have spoken of. People are routinely judged by man-made rules and made to feel rejected, manipulated, and hurt with no clear scriptural basis. This is what we refer to as legalism. We want to help people to honestly evaluate the way they think about others, the way they treat others and whether they may make others feel uncomfortable because of differences in lifestyle choices (again, sinful lifestyles are a different matter). Even if we feel God has directed us to live our lives a certain way, this does not mean that we have the right to judge our brother or sister who lives differently. These are our personal convictions. These are the things we endeavor as a church to allow the Holy Spirit speak to a person about. Not that we will never share our personal convictions with others at times that God may open for us to do so, but not with a self-righteous attitude. Also, the leaders of this church will strive to carefully clarify when a teaching refers to sin (and thus is an attempt to facilitate conviction), or when a teaching has to do with a personal conviction (and thus is more of a suggestion and meant to bring no one under condemnation).
We teach that personal convictions are important to live by and can become sin to us as individuals if we disobey God's leading in our own life. However, this fact has nothing whatsoever to do with how others in the church decide to live their lives. We need to be open to listen to them and not attack them with a judgmental spirit if they confide that they feel it is OK to do things differently. Personal convictions should in no way cause us to feel better than others, exclude others or judge them. If people do not feel safe talking about their life in a group, then they will naturally isolate themselves, and the church will lack the connectedness needed to grow in the bonds of love. We feel that isolation has run rampant in our culture, even in the church, and that the time has come to rediscover the love of God. God is love and when love is flowing in the church, others will see it and will be drawn to God. When we handle our judgmentalism prudently, we facilitate the loving relationships that all human beings are searching for.
To further help in understanding the division between sin and personal convictions, we would like to provide a list of examples. This list is not meant to be perfect or exhaustive and may be added to or edited in the future. It is simply meant to give you a better idea of where we typically draw the line between the two.
Examples of Personal Convictions - We endeavor to not judge or look down on decisions people make in these areas
- Choice of music we listen to (given that the lyrics are not satanic or explicit)
- Choice of television shows to watch or books to read (excluding pornography)
- Whether it is OK to read fictional books that incorporate magic or ghosts
- How many children a married couple decide to have
- Choice of parenting style
- Whether to spank children as a form of discipline
- Whether to tell kids Santa is real
- Whether to trick-or-treat on Halloween
- Whether to smoke
- Whether to homeschool
- How much to be involved in politics
- Styles of clothes and accessories
- What foods to eat
- If it is OK to drink alcohol in moderation
- If it is OK to play the lottery or visit a casino
- Whether to rest one day a week
- How many church meetings one decides to attend per week
- Whether it is OK to join the military
- How much space we require from those who have abused us (although we must truly forgive them)
- In what manner and how long a person decides to grieve
- Form of government we prefer
- What amount of money to give to the church or other causes
Examples of Sin: We endeavor to help people identify and repent of these actions and attitudes
- Stealing or cheating others out of money or property
- Envy, covetousness or greed
- Sexual relations outside of marriage (marriage must be with one member of the opposite sex)
- Remarriage after a divorce (except possibly in certain cases)
- Lust, including viewing pornography
- Speaking lies
- Murder
- Abortion (including birth control methods that are universally known to be abortive)
- Violent physical abuse of others
- Hatred toward others
- Children disobeying or dishonoring parents
- Worshiping idols
- Performing supernatural acts not from God, occult involvement
- Breaking the law (unless the law violates God's law)
- Unforgiveness
- Unbelief
Again, this list is to get you thinking about what is really important when it comes to where we should pick our battles. Please, let us not unwisely use our time and energy trying to "fix" everyone concerning matters that the Bible does not even clearly say are sin. We can needlessly alienate others who are either coming to Christ or trying to get closer to Him. The Holy Spirit can be trusted to lead a person into the lifestyle He wants them to live. Let us instead devote ourselves to combating the spread of real sin and Godlessness that is sweeping through our land in this hour. If we help people to avoid the deadly traps of sin and to draw close to God in a genuine love relationship, they will soon find the desire to let God polish the "rough" places remaining in their life
Finally, It is important to note that the mature Christian should be sensitive not to engage in behavior (which their personal convictions dictate is OK) in front of someone who is struggling with a sin in a related area or who feels that the behavior is sinful. Do not take a drink in front of a recovering alcoholic is the classic example of this. Also, dressing quite a bit less modestly than we know another's personal conviction would allow when we are around them would not be prudent. This is a matter of love, typically in consideration of a less mature Christian. However, this is not meant to allow a few to shamelessly dictate how the rest of us live our lives according to their personal convictions. There is freedom with Christ.